Rhythms of Fast & Slow
Yesterday I yet again found myself in a state of mild anxiety as no one turned up for the first Hot Seat Session. But I don't blame them. I think I jumped the gun with my assumptions of what people wanted. I should have asked.
What I am happy with is my recognition of the rhythms of fast and slow as I WAIT to RESPOND to things that light me up. Sometimes I'm fast to recognise when my mind is at the steering wheel and needs to let go. Sometimes it takes a few hours to come to that realisation.
My Coping Strategy
A coping strategy I now have for when I recognise I am not lit up is to reach for and pull a card from my Tarot deck. The messages always carry insight to contemplate and the aha moments tend to come swiftly. Yesterday the message was that I needed to rest before I take on the next challenge and that I have reached an important milestone and must recharge my energy before the next phase begins.
This did make sense based on how I was feeling. There is so much I have on my To Do list and items I would normally enjoy doing, but I just felt uninspired (aka Not lit up). I accepted that I was in a moment of pause while my outer reality caught up. So I unwound with a walk in the park, reviewed my Gene Key notes, deleted a bunch of OneNote notes and watched some TV instead.
I also pulled the Wheel of Fortune card which carried a similar message plus got me contemplating about how much I've surrendered to date and how much more I still need to let go of.
Surrendering Thoughts About Revenue
Reviewing my Gene Key summaries is something I've been doing a lot lately. I'm loading the 'rules' of my design into my mind over and over so that when the right inspiration presents itself, I'll recognise the alignment. I'm also hoping that by internalising them, they begin to naturally weave into my thoughts and decisions.
Clearing out my OneNote entries was a fruitful exercise. Not only did it declutter my online workspace, releasing some anxiety in the process, but it helped me to see that my mind found far too much procrastination and pleasure in creating hypothetical revenue strategies for each of my many ideas. Ideas that I habitually over thought to the point of self-sabotage!
So I pondered if perhaps I'm meant to do the opposite of what my mind was trying to control?
My mind has always wanted to 'know' and 'figure out' how an idea was going to make money before I actually created the idea. It wanted certainty and it wanted that certainty before taking any action. This is absurdity because we first need to experience ideas and gather proof that they have value in the world before we can start thinking about charging for it. Plus as I have already learnt that any ideas generated by my mind alone cannot be trusted. They at least need to be accompanied by an excitable sacral response.
This new line of contemplation (doing the opposite) intrigued me. I remembered back to a group Psychic Development session where the teacher took our birth dates and told us which two chakras we individually needed to do a special meditation on to release the stuck energy held there. For me it was about the Heart (Trust) and Throat (Control).
Now it makes sense! I need to surrender all thoughts about how money will come into my life and simply trust that it will as long as I am living my design.
And the less energy I put into thinking about how I'm going to make money, thereby feeling the lack of it, the less friction and resistance there will be blocking its path to me!
Unlocking My Gift
Since perhaps April this year I've received spontaneous messages from multiple peers in my Psychic Development group that said "something is going to happen this year that will unlock a powerful gift within you". Until now I had assumed this was a psychic gift I was going to unlock. Whatever it is I'm sure I will treasure and relish it.
Considering that Control and Trust has had such a powerful hold over me for 43 years, I'm feeling that this gift will be unlocked the moment I am able to fully surrender all concerns about income and trust that all will be well.
I can already sense the ease and grace I would feel in being completely indifferent to whether or not what I do each day generates any income. Maybe the feeling of ease and grace is the gift in itself!
Just so we're clear I'm not obsessed with getting rich. I AM obsessed with being my own boss and operating my own internet based business.
The Surrender Experiment
And now with my insight into how the challenges of Control and Trust are playing out in the area of earning an income, I feel this is a fantastic time and opportunity to experiment. In fact, it might be the only way to unlock my gift.
So the experiment from this moment forward is to stop thinking about how anything I do will convert into income. I'm just going to focus on doing what I feel I excel at, what I feel called to do and what is in alignment with my design.
Let's find out.