For far too long, I've made the mistake of giving up on ideas or putting them on hold because I could no longer feel my sacral excitement. I mistakenly thought that I was meant to feel sacral excitement all the time! This led to me having zero staying power to execute or see through to completion the many ideas I've buzzed about.
Before Human Design, I made the mistake of executing many mental ideas. Learning to listen to my body's sacral excitement did a great job of negating this behavior. However, it has now been replaced with the dependency and expectation to always feel the excitement, which has induced a fear of being out of alignment when I wasn't feeling it.
Rationally, I know that I have to account for my energy waves. When it's time for me to get some life balance, my excitement will naturally dissipate in its attempt to steer me elsewhere for a while. For "the pause" is what brings new trains of thought and aha moments for the next steps forward. Rationality, however, is a mental construct, whereas my fears are held in the body. I need to contemplate my Gene Keys to transform this new and unrealistic expectation.
I have been relying too heavily on my current sacral excitement to guide what I commit to, rather than simply trusting the original lit up confirmation. I think this boils down to needing to feel certain that whatever I commit to will be successful in the end.
Non-committal to scheduled Zoom Events
It became blatantly obvious that I had zero staying power for any idea that involved having to commit to regularly scheduled Zoom events.
Basically, the fear is FOMO - Fear Of Missing Out. It's about missed opportunities, which is a recurring pattern of regret. I fear that by having a fixed schedule, I might miss out on something better.
What's ridiculous about this is that:
- I tend to be the person who organizes the fun, rather than the one invited to join it.
- I can always reschedule for that rare opportunity I don't want to miss out on.
- I always enjoy the Zoom conversations!
- I could organize for someone else to host in my place.
- If I were a full-time employee, I'd be working or preparing for work during those scheduled times anyway.
I feel there is a big Gene Keys 'aha' moment waiting in the wings. I'm yawning as I type this, so it's going to be a doozy!
My other long term debilitating fear is "How long is it going to take to complete this whole idea?" which causes impatience to kick in. Impatience is just as dangerous because it causes me to mentally consider which ideas will earn money sooner in spite of what my soul is actually calling me towards. Acting out of impatience, moves me out of alignment and into a never ending loop of Shiny Object Syndrome.
While picking up some part-time work has alleviated an element of impatience, right now as I type this, I can feel the immense pressure to refocus my energy on contemplating several of my shadows today instead of trying to ignore them... again.
Where to start?
In a nutshell, I need to contemplate the following patterns:
- I need to feel certain that whatever I commit to will be successful in the end.
- FOMO - Fear Of Missing Out
My process for doing so will be to look at the shadows of my Gene Keys and see which ones resonate with each.
Instead of having to read each shadow, I'm playing with ChatGPT to get a quick heads-up on which shadows are most relevant and why.
An example ChatGPT prompt is:
My Gene Keys are 20, 34, 59, 4, 15, 47, 62, 63, 12, 52, 55
Which of my Gene Keys are responsible for my need to feel certainty that whatever I commit to will be successful in the end?
ChatGPT's response gave me a reasonably good explanation for why I need to contemplate the 20th and 12th Gene Key shadows and gifts. Now I'll go read the shadows and the respective chapters and pathways in the relevant Gene Keys sequences to see if they resonate for me or not.
As much as I am eager to get back to work on my projects, I know that the time I put into these contemplations will lay a solid foundation for me to actually complete my soul-aligned projects in the future.